just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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