do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
