My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
