Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
