after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize