There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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