I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
