I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my sisters under your porch take her home
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
