omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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