Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
