peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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