she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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