There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
