my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
