Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i would punch a child for taco bell
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
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She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
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I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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