the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You were trust falling into bushes
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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