no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
