I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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