yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Hippo gnu deer
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
