im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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