Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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