By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
