what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
