Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
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I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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