this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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