two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
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Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
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You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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