I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
