fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
