god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
