I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
