lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
