i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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