apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I need to align my fucking chakras
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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