My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
