i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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