I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
it's like heaven, but drunker
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
