Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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