You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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