I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
