we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The feeling are messing with the penis
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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