Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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