Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
