That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
