Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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