I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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