i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
