Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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