He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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