I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
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We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
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how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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