my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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