True but thats because hes a fetus.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
