OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
