she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
