We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
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Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
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Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize