I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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